Happy Valentine's Day! How do you celebrate this Hallmark holiday?
To be fair--we don't celebrate it at my house. We don't go out to dinner, we typically don't give each other cards or flowers. 💝 🌹 When we first got married, I remember being disappointed and thinking we must be in the minority. Just watch TV--leading up to February 14th. It looks like everyone is in love and showing it!
The thing is....we should be showing it all year long. In little ways, with our words and actions, we should be showing up for our relationships. Relationships in general take work. You know when you're feeling loved, cared for, and appreciated. Are you showing the same to your partner? Sometimes we get into the rut of thinking...."Well I'm not feeling loved so why should I show love?"
The bigger question is....Will this line of thinking lead you down a healthy relationship path or away from it? Check out my top four tips to rekindle the spark in your romance.
Rekindle Your Romance
1. Time-Talk-Togetherness. Want to rekindle the romance in your relationship? Incorporate time, talking and togetherness. Find the friend you fell in love with by taking the time to listen. Time together without the talking doesn't count! What can you do to create a space where you're sharing more than the day-to-day events? Be vulnerable.
2. It takes five positive interactions to counteract one negative. Your romantic relationships are one of your life accounts. How full is your romantic life account? Negative interactions take withdrawals--lots of withdrawals. Be mindful of your words, your tone, your messages, Dr. Gottman explains that the four horseman: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling will only lead to disconnect over time.
Find ways to compliment, encourage, befriend, appreciate, your partner and do it over and over again. These are putting deposits into their love account.
3. Find the newness in the ordinary. When you've been together awhile (24 years for us), it can be hard to feel the excitement we did when the relationship was new. Nothing stays new forever. Again, it takes work but you can discover new things if you're willing to listen, create a space for play, and adventure.
4. Love is a choice. Love is also a feeling but more often than not, it's a choice we make. There are plenty of relationship like our children where we don't always feel loving, but we make the loving choice. Getting up in the middle of the night with my child when I'm feeling exhausted is a loving choice. If I only operated on how I felt, I'd make a terrible mother! 😆 What's the loving choice you can make today to begin to rekindle your romance?
Romance does NOT start in the bedroom. It doesn't mean giving each other flowers and chocolates once a year. It begins with the foundation of friendship, love, and respect. How are you putting daily deposits into your partner's love bank? I'm not asking if YOUR love bank is full. When we do for others we also gain the benefits.
Comment and let me know what you'll be doing to rekindle the romance in your relationship!
Complete Health
Your relationships are just one life account in your Health Bank. Happiness research puts relationships as one of the top three contributors of happiness. It's important to have close connections (not just romantic).
Because of the importance of connections, it's one of the topics we cover in the 90 Day REFRESH Program for working women. Boundaries and relationships are key to complete health.
Our Refresh coaching calls often revolve around difficult conversations or people that you are dealing with. Imagine if you had a group of women who could help you navigate these difficult moments in your life. The Program offers you that safe space to talk through some of these sticky situations. Come take a peek and discover if it might help you find the path back to wellness.
If you'd like more information or want to chat about how it might be a good fit for you, reach out and let's get a call scheduled.
Happy Heart Day friends! Go out and rekindle your romance today!